(for a properly formatted pdf of this script, see here. Substack’s formatting options are relatively limited, so this post may be hard to read on-site.)
CHARACTERS:
ENT:
God of time. Secretary. He/him.
IXTION:
God of narrative. Fortuneteller. She/her.
ALIOS:
God of space. Foreman. They/them.
JANETTE:
Interloper. Businesswoman. She/her.
LARRY:
Some guy. Farmer. He/him.
ACT I
SCENE 1
(A sparse office. In the near-center of the stage (slightly stage right) is a circular desk, with ENT sat in the middle of it, periodically spinning in his chair. Several monitors, keyboards, and computer mice surround him, and a variety of calendars plaster the walls. )
(ENT clicks away at the various keyboards around him, occasionally typing on two at once.)
(A red, corded phone begins to ring.)
(ENT abruptly stares at the phone, before picking it up.)
ENT
Good evening. Who, may I ask, is inquiring?
VOICE
Good evening Ent. I wasn't sure you could make time for me-
ENT (interrupting)
I can always make time. That's the job. Who are you?
VOICE
Ah. I suppose that's true.
(JANETTE laughs, politely.)
The name's Janette, I recommend you learn it quickly enough.
(ENT looks as if he's been slighted, which he has. Beat.)
Regardless of formalities, though, there's something in the schedule I need changed.
ENT
(Beat.)
Surely you're aware that that requires special circumstances? Nothing has come to my attention that would require such an alteration-
JANETTE (interrupting)
Oh my dear Ent,
(ENT looks visibly uncomfortable at this.)
I know all about your precious little schedule. There's a Conflict, I believe. A few very important events have become desynchronized, you'll need to take a look at that. Make sure this world doesn't fall into chaos and all that.
(On hearing this, ENT drops the phone, and frantically checks the monitors around him, even looking back at the schedules plastered across the walls, before picking the phone back up.)
ENT
Oh.
(Beat.)
This could present quite an issue.
JANETTE
I'm well aware, my dear.
(ENT reacts uncomfortably again.)
By my reckoning, the worst of the consequences should be, say, two days from now, so that'll be Tuesday, around 4 p.m. Does that seem about right to you?
ENT
(ENT takes a moment to consult his schedules, looking somewhat visibly distressed.)
It
(Beat. ENT speaks very deliberately.)
Appears that that's the case.
JANETTE
That's why I'm offering my help with the arranging, in exchange for a bit of help with some... issues of my own.
ENT (still deliberately)
(Beat.)
I'll need... some time to consult my colleagues and consider.
JANETTE
(JANETTE, again, laughs politely.)
I know you're smarter than that, my dear Ent.
(ENT, again, is uncomfortable.)
I've studied you three plenty. I've seen some of Ixtion's archives, I know the work you do. And I know all about the contracts.
(ENT looks, if possible, even more distressed at this.)
ENT (interrupting)
Ah. Of course you know about the contracts.
JANETTE (continued)
I'm a smart woman, what can I say?
(JANETTE, once more, laughs mirthlessly.)
I, a mere human, have given you all the information I have. If it turns out that that information helped you resolve the Conflict...
(JANETTE pauses, and grins audibly.)
Then you'll have to give me any help that I need. All there is to see now is how it all ends.
ENT
(Beat.)
Goodbye, Janette.
(ENT hangs up the phone, dramatically, though with elegance.)
ACT I
SCENE 2
(Three luxurious armchairs surround a small wooden table, filled with exotic-looking drinks. ENT sits in the center, nervously holding a drink, while IXTION sits stage left.)
(Enter ALIOS, who moves to sit stage right.)
ALIOS
Ah guys, sorry for being so late. Got held up, lotta places to be y'know?
(IXTION looks vaguely understanding, while ENT looks irritated.)
ENT (on edge)
I'm sorry Alios, but I don't really have the time for delays like this. God there is so much that I'm going to need to reschedule. I'll keep this snappy.
(ENT stands, pacing slightly as he drinks.)
I was contacted by an outside benefactor, Janette. Normally, this would be nothing of note, of course, but she pointed out an irregularity in the schedule. A nasty Conflict that somehow evaded my eyes. The epicenter of the chaos should be Tuesday, two days from now.
(ALIOS and IXTION look at each other, clearly puzzled. IXTION breaches the silence.)
IXTION
Is that not the purpose of your work? To prevent the Conflicts, to arrange the schedule? We can't let chaos reign, after all.
(ENT puts a hand against his head.)
ENT
Yes. Obviously, it is. I know that. I almost always do catch them, but I just... I somehow slipped up this time.
ALIOS
(ALIOS gestures grandly, indicating the three of them in totality.)
You called a great big meetin' of the primary structures of the universe because... you screwed up?
ENT (exasperated)
Yes, Alios, I suppose I did, sorry for wasting your time.
(Beat.)
Sorry.
(ENT takes a moment to calm himself.)
And I should almost certainly be able to fix it; that's my job, as you two so cleverly pointed out. The problem, if you haven't realized, is that this correction is from an outside human benefactor. She's claiming that she forged a contract.
(Realization slowly dawns across ALIOS and IXTION.)
IXTION
Oh. This could, indeed, be rather perilous. Had she any demands?
ENT
She -
(ENT looks up, as if consulting a teleprompter only he can see, and puts up hand quotes where appropriate.)
If the contract holds, she'll need "help with issues of her own". I said I'd need some "time to consider", but...
(If ENT's professional facade has not yet totally broken, it has now.)
I'm just not sure how to proceed. Contractually speaking, I mean. Ixtion, is there any precedent for this? In the narrative, in the archives? She seems to think we're in a contract already but I just need to make sure. I don't want to give a human outsider just anything she wants.
IXTION
(IXTION looks up, similarly to ENT looking at his invisible teleprompter, though she seems more ponderous as she does it. She stares, occasionally gesturing, before looking down, dejected.)
There seems to be no direct precedent I can here locate, though the situation is... complex.
(Beat.)
For now, perhaps simply proceed as normal? Resolve the Conflict, and I shall further examine my archives to check as to whether you have entered into a contract here.
(Exit IXTION.)
ALIOS
(ALIOS stands, and firmly puts a hand on ENT's shoulders. ENT is comfortable with this.)
I wouldn't worry too much about it, okay? And sorry for my lateness earlier. Lot happening out there today, couple of wild supernovae.
ENT
Alright, thank you.
(Beat.)
And I was being rude too. I'm sorry, Alios.
ALIOS
(ALIOS gently reaches down, gently kissing ENT on the head.)
Don't worry about it. You'll get through it, you always do.
ENT
Thank you, Alios.
(ALIOS smiles, then exits.)
ACT I
SCENE 3
(Again, we see ENT in his circular desk, clicking and typing away. He is much more focused this time: clearly a specific issue is bothering him.)
ENT (stage whisper)
Dammit, it's just not fitting properly.
(He continues typing and clicking, occasionally muttering to himself.)
Why can't it just fit?
(The phone rings.)
(ENT jumps visibly, shocked at the sound, before quickly grabbing the receiver.)
ENT (anxiously, quickly)
Good evening. Who, may I ask, is inquiring?
VOICE
Uh, hi, uh, Ent. Name's Larry?
ENT (relieved)
Good evening Larry. What sort of inquiry are you making?
LARRY
Well, uh. I was out in the fields, y'know as one does, and there was, like, a bend in space? It was real weird. Sorta transparenty, sorta weird and bendy. Real strangelike. Got this number from the local priest, 'course.
ENT
(ENT thinks for a beat, confused as to why LARRY is calling him in particular.)
This sounds more like a space issue, sir, so if you don't mind I'm going to patch you through to my partner Alios-
LARRY
Oh well uh, sir, they already directed me here. I gave them a call, described the situation, they said it sounded like a time thing. S'pose all we're clear on is that it ain't a story!
(LARRY laughs, a genuine sound. ENT does not laugh at this.)
ENT (thoughtful and slightly irritated)
Well.
(Beat.)
That's just peculiar then, isn't it?
LARRY
Sure is. Want more info or somethin', maybe that'll help?
ENT
I'm sure it will. Go ahead.
LARRY
Well as I said, I'm out in my field. Standin' 'round, checkin' for weeds in the crops, seein' if there was anythin' of note or nothin'. And as I'm standin', suddenly there's this whole ball of light. Right there in the middle of the field! Can you b'lieve it!?
ENT
(ENT gives a sarcastic nod, before realizing he's on the phone.)
Yes, I most certainly can.
LARRY
Well I'm glad t'hear that! But anyway, I take a nice long look at the weird ball. It glows a whole bunch, right, whole bunch of weird colors. And when I look closer, it's like my eyes don't quite work right, gettin' all distorted and blurred.
ENT
I'm with you so far Larry, but I'm afraid I still don't quite understand why this might be to do with time in particular.
LARRY
I'm gettin' there, gimme a sec! Alios thought it was space up to this point, too. This is 'bout when I started to really look close at the thing. Get my eyes used to all the weirdness. And once I do, I see all sorts'a wild stuff. Snow on the ground, leaves fallin', harvest time. Like a view to the other seasons or somethin'.
ENT (muttered)
Well, that certainly explains the whole time thing. Must be chaos from the Conflict presenting itself.
(ENT switches to a normal volume, customer service sort of tone. He speaks with the muscle memory of a trained customer service professional, ignoring the specifics of the words.)
Looks like you have some sort of chaotic chronology vortex on your hands. I can send someone over to take a look.
(ENT checks the schedules around him for a moment. Even his absentminded glances to the schedules seem entirely automatic.)
Seems that we have an operative available later today. Would that work?
LARRY
(LARRY takes a beat to check his own schedules.)
Hm. 'Fraid I can't. Family stuff. Tomorrow?
ENT (with subtle, customer-service irritation)
Apologies, it seems our earthbound teams are all tied up then. Tuesday, then?
LARRY
That oughta work.
ENT (with customer-service relief)
Perfect. We'll send someone out.
LARRY
Well thank'ya for the help! I'll make sure to put in a good word with my priest for ya. He's always been more a fan of Ixtion, y'know the type.
ENT
I'm sure I do. Call back if there are any issues, I'll be hanging up now.
(ENT does precisely that, before continuing to clack away at the computers and schedules in front of him. Suddenly, he stops.)
ENT (stage whisper)
Goddammit.
(Beat.)
Stupid.
(Beat.)
What is wrong with me recently? Tuesday is the Conflict. Come on.
(ENT picks up the phone again, and dials. It rings several times, before he hangs up, slamming the receiver into its base.)
ENT
GodDAMMIT.
ACT I
SCENE 4
(ENT hurriedly enters from stage right, walking up to IXTION, who sits stage right. She lounges in a very large, plush chair, with an elegant laptop resting on her lap. The chair is surrounded by papers, and small filing cabinets around her are clearly somewhat askew.)
(IXTION looks up from her chair at ENT, fingers hovering over the keyboard.)
IXTION
Is something the matter, Ent? It is rather rare that you intrude upon my chambers. I recognize that you have had a rather unpleasant morning, but this is still rather unusual for you.
ENT
Apologies if I interrupted you, Ixt. I just -
(ENT sighs, exasperated and tired)
I screwed up again. Made the Conflict even worse, maybe. I'm not quite sure what's up with me, you know?
IXTION
(IXTION looks up at him thoughtfully, before looking down at her laptop.)
I understand. Some conflict is entering into our narrative, it seems, so the stressors are rather inevitable. I am afraid there is not much assistance that I can provide, besides as someone to simply converse with about these issues. The narrative has been weaving out with relatively little concern as of late, at least.
(IXTION gestures vaguely down at her laptop, which ENT looks down at.)
ENT
Well that's certainly something, at least.
(Beat.)
Have you looked any more into your archives, seen if there's any precedent for my... issues? Any paper trail, any old contract, any old myth?
IXTION
I am afraid not, my friend. The archives refuse to give up their secrets on this matter, and from my own understanding, you may already be in a contract. I'll dig further, of course, but I'm just not sure. Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best, as it were.
ENT
Damn. I was hoping I could get some good news from you.
(Beat. IXTION looks up at ENT sympathetically.)
I suppose I'll be seeing you around then. Hopefully I can work this out.
IXTION
I hope you can as well.
(ENT moves to leave.)
Before you exit, Ent.
(ENT looks back at IXTION. She smiles at him, wryly.)
Am I right in supposing that this is the first time you have been, well, running out of time?
ENT
(ENT laughs at this.)
Yes, I suppose it is.
(Exit ENT.)
(Beat.)
IXTION
I see you there, you know. I know when I have been knitted into a narrative, and it is rare indeed that I feel the pressure of authorial intent in my skull. Something interesting indeed must be going on.
(IXTION pauses, staring into the audience.)
And a stage play, too. A rare enough format for your enlightened (sarcastically) era. Most peculiar. I'd love to tell you more, of course, but it seems my purpose is not as exposition: I have no control over how the playwright weaves me, so I suppose we will simply have to see how this conflict resolves itself. I have my suspicions as to how, and I am sure you do as well, so let us wait and see.
ACT I
SCENE 5
(ENT, as is often the case, sits at his desk, aimlessly clicking and typing. He seems distracted, because he is. He is very tired: if gods normally sleep, he has not been.)
(The phone rings.)
(ENT stares at it for a long, hard moment, before begrudgingly picking it up.)
ENT (audibly tired)
Good evening. Who, may I ask, is inquiring?
JANETTE
Why, hello my dear Ent.
(ENT, as ever, is uncomfortable with this form of address.)
ENT
Hello, Janette.
JANETTE
Now, have you considered my offer? I can help you with the Conflict, but I'll need something of my own.
ENT
Just give me a bit to think.
(Quietly, ENT types something.)
(Beat.)
(Enter ALIOS and IXTION.)
ENT
(into the phone, but also directed to the others) A lot has been going on lately, as I'm sure you're more than aware. And of course I do genuinely appreciate the information about the Conflict -- without it, I would have been, well, even more unprepared than I am.
ALIOS (whispered)
Janette?
(ENT nods.)
ENT (continued)
I suppose it just, depends on an awful lot.
JANETTE (slowly)
I see.
(Beat.)
Perhaps you want to know what I need your help with, then?
(ALIOS nods vigorously, IXTION nods with elegance.)
ENT
Yes. That would be tremendously helpful, thank you.
JANETTE
Of course. It's a complicated question, really, so I hope you don't mind a bit of a tale.
ENT
I never mind a good story.
(IXTION gives him a knowing look, and appears more engaged than previously.)
JANETTE
What exactly I want from you is something I've been considering for a long time. Perhaps for as long as we've known you all exist.
(Beat.)
I suppose I've always been something of a manipulator, always the type to pull the strings deep in the shadows. So, in some sense, that meant I was always destined to gravitate towards the three of you, always meant to connect with you. You are the ultimate manipulators, even if you don't ever think of yourselves as such.
(ENT, ALIOS, IXTION look share an uncomfortable glance between each other.)
So I hatched a scheme, like I always do; even if I didn't actually know what I wanted yet. I set things in motion, got information flowing. When I couldn't learn something, I'd just get someone to learn it for me. It was easy enough to figure out just about everything about the three of you, you've told us plenty on the hotlines. I considered meddling with you, Ixtion, at first.
(The three look shocked, assuming that JANETTE did not know they were all in the room.)
Of course I know you're there, I'm not an idiot. But regardless, it was difficult to pry into your domain. I've never been much of the creative type; stories just never quite sit right with me.
IXTION (interrupting)
You say that, though at the same time you weave this complex story. This tale with its many threads and tendrils.
JANETTE (laughing, slightly)
I suppose I do; though this is something of a special occasion. My other plans have never really struck me as narratively interesting, else I'm sure you would have noticed them.
(Ixtion considers this and nods in agreement.)
Anyways, I didn't find it feasible. You spin threads together, but you keep far too close an eye on them not to notice my own meddling.
(Beat.)
I considered Alios next.
ALIOS (snorting)
Worked well, I bet.
JANETTE (continued, ignoring this response)
That was difficult, though for different reasons. Space is a large, complex thing: it's not exactly easy for one person to manipulate it. I tried, seeing if there were enormous structures I could build, goad you into touching and smoothing over. Never worked, far too much of a logistical hassle. Your attention is just too focused on the large scale of things, never the minutia.
ALIOS (slightly offended)
Hey, I care about the little stuff.
JANETTE (without missing a beat)
Then where do I live?
ALIOS
(Beat.)
Point taken. Go on.
JANETTE
Last on my mind was you, my dear Ent. Time is a complex thing, but your job may be the simplest. At least on a human scale.
ENT (with an audible sneer)
My role is far from simple.
ALIOS
Speak for yourself.
(ENT looks to IXTION for support.)
IXTION (whispered, aside to ENT)
What? They have a point.
JANETTE (continued)
Of course, I'm sure you perform it with all sorts of nuance. But still, the task is simple: avoid Conflicts at all costs. To disrupt that, I simply had to cause one. Or, if possible, predict one.
ENT (rambling slightly)
You make that sound easy. Not just everything goes on the schedule.
(ENT gestures to the monitors and calendars around him.)
Hell, the events in this Conflict aren't at all trivial.
(ENT briefly clicks around, though he already knows them by heart.)
The assassination of an up-and-coming Senator, by a man named Eric Canton. A relatively unknown researcher, Sarah Pilson, will crack the secret to interstellar travel. A true literary masterpiece, due to define the next generation of artistic analysis, finally completed by Ex Ilzi.
(ENT sighs, loudly, dramatically.)
For whatever reason, they are dictated to occur at the exact same time. A grand meeting of politics, science, and art. And somehow, you've managed to throw enough wrenches into the grand machinations of the schedule that they can't happen simultaneously; tied them up with each other so intricately that it's impossible to unravel them.
(ENT sighs again, defeated, looking around at his monitors.)
Eric's little brother is due for surgery, an experimental procedure being performed by a close friend of Sarah's, who's somehow tied up with Ex too. There are more connections than that, too, more complications and nuances and knots. It just can't be untangled, and it just can't all happen at the right damn time. It's all such a convoluted mess, I'm not even sure how you could have arranged all of this, my own calendars can barely display all the connections and intricacies.
(ENT thinks to himself for a moment.)
I'm sure we'll see plenty more weird anomalies like Larry if I can't get the scheduling right. Little vortices of chaos all over the -
JANETTE (steadily, interrupting)
And yet, they are so arranged. But there's still plenty of time for me to rearrange the Conflict. And so, my demands.
(ENT, ALIOS, IXTION, all huddle closely around the phone)
Demand, really, for I only have one.
(Beat. The three huddle closer, listening closely to whatever JANETTE has to say.)
Let me ascend to your level, as a god of, say, consciousness. I think that'll suit my manipulative talents.
(JANETTE allows this to sink in for a moment.)
Do recall that we're almost certainly in a contract, my dear Ent, so this is less a demand and more a requirement. Take care.
(The phone clicks, JANETTE has hung up.)
ACT II
SCENE 1
(The three gods sit in their chairs yet again. They are in the middle of a discussion.)
ENT
This can't have precedent, can it? That doesn't make sense. Obviously it can't make sense.
IXTION (considering)
It may. As you know, our own creation is an eternally foggy place, impossible to truly see. We may have all once been like her.
ALIOS
Sure, sure. That could be the case, but it sure don't feel right to me. She's just some outsider, some human, she's nothing like us, really.
ENT
Well obviously it doesn't feel right, Alios, the worrying part is whether or not it is right. She might have a perfectly legal and legitimate claim to the position, if the contract holds.
ALIOS
So what, you're scared of losing your power?
ENT
Yes, aren't you?
(ALIOS raises their eyebrow at this, but they do not respond.)
And it's not just that, I'm also worried about her controlling "consciousness". It feels like a worryingly active domain to control. Most of the time we simply observe, maybe simply rearrange a few particular events and occurrences, but controlling consciousness in the abstract? That could lead to some real, worrying power.
IXTION
I suppose you do have a point with this, it's a worrying coalescence of control.
(Beat.)
Her control of consciousness could also interfere with my own domain, quite evidently. I'd likely still have control over the larger scope of the grand narrative, but she may wrest the small-scale control out of my hands.
(All three consider this for a moment.)
Regardless of my own feelings, though, I need to consult the archives, check whether there even is precedence for this.
(Exit IXTION.)
ALIOS
(ALIOS stands, puts a hand on ENT's back in gentle support.)
Hey, I know you, and I know us. Regardless of what happens next, we'll be okay. We'll get through it, we always do.
(ALIOS gently tousles ENT's hair, gently kissing him on the head.)
(Exit ALIOS.)
ENT (whispered)
Why does it all come down to me?
(ENT sits, head in hands, for a surprisingly long time, before he exits.)
ACT II
SCENE 2
(ALIOS sits in a large, comfortable folding lawn chair. A laptop rests on their lap, and a toolbox rests at their feet.)
ALIOS
(ALIOS speaks into a cheap flipphone.)
Yes obviously I want the nebula there. Seriously, what were you thinking?
(Enter ENT.)
One second, I've gotta put you on hold. Don't do anything stupid, please.
(ALIOS hangs up the phone, closing it and putting it to the side.)
ENT
(ENT paces in front of ALIOS for a moment, but before they can say anything, ENT begins to speak.)
Do you mean it?
ALIOS (confused)
Do I mean what?
ENT (almost irritated, rambly)
Do you really think we'll get through it? You always say that. Do you mean it?
ALIOS
(ALIOS takes a moment to genuinely consider this.)
Yes, I do.
ENT
Really?
ALIOS
Yes, obviously really. I needed a moment to consider whether it was just empty words, but I do genuinely mean it. You're strong, and we're stronger together, and I genuinely think we can get through this, whatever this ends up being exactly.
(ALIOS stands, placing their hands on ENT's shoulders.)
ENT
(ENT rests their head on ALIOS' arms, in a moment of affection.)
Thank you.
ALIOS
Hey, who said I was done?
(ENT laughs at this, a genuine sound.)
Genuinely though, I know you can handle this. We all get stressed out sometimes, though I know it must feel weird to be so time-crunched, for a god of time.
ENT
Yeah, it's certainly a new experience.
ALIOS
Knew it. You will get through it, though. Regardless of what exactly happens, we'll get through it.
(Beat.)
I'm always here if you need someone to lean on, and you know that.
(ENT does exactly that: he turns the semi-embrace into a proper hug.)
ENT
Thank you, and I really do mean it. And I'm sorry if I've been snappy at you the last few days. You know I don't mean it.
ALIOS
Exactly right, I know you don't. It's a stressful time, don't worry about it.
(ENT maintains the hug for a bit, before exiting.)
ALIOS (affectionately)
Love that idiot.
ACT II
SCENE 3
(ENT, as ever, sits behind his desk. He occasionally clicks and types, but far less frequently than usual. He looks despondent. Suddenly, the phone rings, and he picks up.)
ENT (with great relief)
Good evening. Who, may I ask, is inquiring?
LARRY
It's, uh, Larry again.
ENT
Ah, good evening, Larry. Has your problem been getting worse since we last spoke?
LARRY
That's, uh, that's one way of puttin' it. I think that the light-ball-thing is, uh, talkin' to us on the field.
(Beat.)
ENT (with trepidation)
Talking to you?
LARRY
Well, kinda. Y'see, we can still hear it, even when we plug our ears, so it's causin' some confusion.
(Beat, longer.)
ENT (with tremendous confusion)
Oh. Huh.
LARRY
Yeah. So we didn't know whether we oughta wait for your people to come out, or what.
ENT (not really listening)
Yeah maybe. First, can you put me on the phone with the, uh, the orb?
LARRY
Sure, gimme a sec.
(Beat.)
JANETTE
Good evening, my dear Ent.
(ENT, who usually absentmindedly fiddles with the computers in front of him, entirely freezes.)
ENT
What.
JANETTE
Well, it seems that some of my request for control has already gone through. Take that as "precedent" if you will, since it seems a contract has indeed been made.
ENT
This doesn't make any sense.
JANETTE (with mirth)
You'd be surprised by what does and doesn't make sense in this day and age, my dear Ent.
ENT (snapping)
Stop fucking calling me dear.
JANETTE (taken aback, entirely thrown off her rhythm)
What?
ENT
I said stop calling me dear. It's goddamn annoying, and I do not at all appreciate it coming from you, you goddamn meddler.
JANETTE
Oh.
ENT
My relationships, all our relationships are more goddamn complicated than a human like you can possibly make sense of, and being called "dear" is mocking and obnoxious. So, with respect, please cut it right the hell out.
JANETTE
Well alright then.
(Beat.)
This call was intended to be something of a victory, but I'll admit, you've rather derailed me.
ENT
(ENT laughs, though the sound is grating and not at all pleasant.)
That's my goddamn job, isn't it?
(Beat.)
You know what, whatever. Become a god of consciousness, do whatever you like. I should really stop giving a shit, I've made enough goddamn mistakes with this whole affair that I'm probably out of here soon enough.
JANETTE
Wait.
(JANETTE spends a moment, clearly thinking about something.)
You three can, what, lose your jobs?
ENT
(Again, ENT laughs, mirthlessly.)
Honestly, I've got no goddamn idea. But that really would be the most appropriate possible ending to this week, wouldn't it? And the universe seems to hate me enough to give me exactly that.
JANETTE (slowly)
You seem very human right now. Far more than usual.
ENT
I'll take that as an insult.
JANETTE (continuing)
It's just that normally you seem so infallible, hard to break. And you really seem to have snapped now.
ENT
Wow, you sure are smart for figuring that one out.
(Beat.)
Give me back to Larry already. He's at least a decent man.
(Beat.)
LARRY
The, uh, the orb told me to take the phone back.
ENT
As she should have.
LARRY
She? How's it a -
ENT (interrupting)
Don't question it.
LARRY (nervously)
Oh.
(Beat.)
So, should I wait for the person you're sending out, or-
ENT (interrupting)
Just wait for a bit. Ignore anything she says, it's not important.
(ENT hangs up the phone, violently.)
Looks like it's all coming to a head much quicker than I thought.
ACT II
SCENE 4
(IXTION sits in her room, pondering the papers and archival material around her.)
(Enter ENT.)
ENT
Please tell me you've found something in the archives that's relevant. Things are getting worse.
IXTION
(IXTION looks up at ENT quizzically.)
What, exactly, is getting worse?
ENT
Well, it seems that our interloper has already managed to glean some of the powers she requested. A contract went through, it seems.
IXTION
Oh that is not at all good, is it?
ENT
No, Ixtion, it is not at all good.
IXTION
(IXTION ponders this new information for a moment.)
If she's already acquiring control, it's likely impossible to stop her from joining us.
ENT
(ENT slowly sits on the floor, and stays silent for an eerily long time.)
So there's really nothing I can do, huh?
IXTION
I am afraid that is likely the case. The few tales I was able to find which dealt with this sort of problem implied as much, at the least.
ENT
Well. I really screwed this up, then, didn't I?
IXTION
(IXTION considers this for a long time.)
I would not think of it that way. We have been overdue for a new member in our little pantheon for a long time. The tension in our narrative has always seemed to lean that way, so it was somewhat inevitable that a new member would join us. If it was not you letting them in, it would have been I or Alios.
ENT
(ENT stands, slowly, deliberately, bracing himself on IXTION's chair.)
Maybe I should just let her in, then.
ACT II
SCENE 5
(ENT sits at his desk. He sits in front of the phone, waiting, doing nothing.)
(ENT picks up the phone and starts to dial.)
(The phone rings a few times, before connecting.)
JANETTE
This is Janette Osdol, how may I help you?
ENT
(Beat.)
It's Ent.
JANETTE (audibly smiling)
Ah, Ent. Finally admitting that I deserve a place among your ranks, then?
ENT
I wouldn't put it that way, but... I suppose so. I want you to fix the Conflict first, though.
JANETTE
I was hoping you'd say that. And what do I get in return?
ENT (slightly defeated)
Your request, obviously.
JANETTE (unimaginably relieved)
Well then, consider it done. I suspect I'll be seeing you soon.
ENT
(ENT laughs, slightly, more to himself than anything else.)
Should I put you in for, say, 5 tomorrow?
JANETTE
Now that would work perfectly.
END.
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